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New Year, but same old stories. Hope this ’09 will be better. Yesterday I was taking to someone. And it reminds me of everything. Last year this time, exactlly this time, it was so … amazing, that it was me. I mean, that that has happened what has happened. And now? After a year? Well…during this time something (or more than something) has chnged in this situation, but after this whole year now it’s okay. Not great, but okay. Seems like I can live with this all. And won’t miss what I thought I would. After this three months I see I am not missing (or don’t think about it?) so I’m sure I’ll deal with it. Or am I just not missing only because I know it’s not far away? Or only because I have something els to miss? Nevermind. Just wanna tell you that somehow I still remember that great time and try to forget what was wrong then.
Status: not stupendo, aber okay
Song: “The Unforgiven” by Stefanie Heinzmann

1.1.09 13:06


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Take me away

Christmas time. Home time. Now it’s over. And we all need to go back to reality. As someone said, “Cryin’ won’t help you at all”. It’s not that bad, only one fact is. I hate him so much that the more I think about comming there, the less I wanna come. “Silent of words where there’s nothing left.” So what else can I say more? If I say “8”, would it be enough? Damn stupid 8? 
Ok, so in conclusion: I don’t wanna go back. I wanna stay here. So in other words: “Don’t wanna grow up, I wanna get out, hey, take me away”. And I wanna my series back! It’s like a rehab. Or worst. Not only that I’m sad. I am also nervous. 
Status: wanna stay at home!
Song: “Ein letztes Mal” by Lafee

2.1.09 21:17


Save me

Out of Power, faul wie immer. I wanna go home. Even too lazy to write this note. And I wanna go home. About yesterday – I’m not disappointed. Right, could be better, but it’s okay. It was only unpleasantness. And I wanna go home. Not because of that, of course. I only wanna go home. It’s only a week but seems like forever. But on the other hands I don’t want next Monday to be so soon. I just wanna go home. And seems like I lost all of my power. And I miss my childhood. I miss my city. And I wanna be there now. Did I mention that I wanna go home? And tomorrow – again – 2,5h with the worst subject ever. And worst educator (?) ever. Right, “educator” is inopportunely used word. Cause “educator” is someone who educate. I wanna go home. I just found my photos from December and I miss that time so much. Everything was so…easy. It was just “I go home tomorrow” and I really miss that time. 
And by the way, I wanna go home. 
Status: lazy
Song: “Ich bin Ich” by Lafee
8.1.09 19:19


Miles away

„Some people want diamond rings, some just want everything, but everything means nothing if I ain’t got you” … Good lyrics to start todays note. Some days are Better than others. Some days like today. Just a few words to makes someone happier, just one smile to make someone smile again. Some dreams become reality, some are fade away. But always you have to wake up. So it’s good to look at something familiar when you wake up after a long, long sleeping. Some people are leaders, some are just a followers. Sometimes you need to try something new to find your way. Sometimes you need to be different – for one day or for longer. And sometimes you need to be you. Even if it’s the first day when you’re a real you. Sometimes you smile without a reason and when seeing someone’s smiling back, you smile again. This time with a reason. There’re some days in your life when you want to give in. There’re some days when you doubt. Doubt at what you’re doing or doubt at yourself. But after that days you realize that there’s something more. And you realize, that you can move forward. Move forward to the life. To the life, which is waiting for you. Spinning round and waiting for you ‘till you get into a right train. And one day you do this. You choose the right train, the right way and the right side of you. You just get into this train. Alone or with somebody. With somebody who has never doubted at you. Even when you doubt at yourself. So the only thing for you to do is to let this person get into this train with you. And never let yourself to left this person. No matter if this person is close to you or far away. Just let this person be. And let him/her just be with you. 
Status: using m. risorius
Song: "Magic Ride" by Sarah Connor

9.1.09 23:50


How you remind me

Again: “same mistakes, different time and different places”. Waiting for next Saturday. But this time won’t be as in the last year. Hope everything’s gonna be alright. Just be afraid of so many unfamiliar people. But it’s not that bad, I’ve just found out that there will be someone else I know. But before Saturday I still have a week in this village. And am already done. Four weeks is definitely much. Definitely too much. Two weeks is much, so four weeks is even “more” much. Ok and now let’s get to the subject of today’s note. It’s connected with someone who started to like me for someone I am not. And now I’m afraid of telling that’s not me. Why? ‘Cause I want him to still like me. But I need to tell he true, cause I want him to like me for me (“not for that someone I’ll ever be..”- as in the song). And I need to tell the true, cause if he found it out by himself he’ll definitely dislike me. And that’s not what I want. But I am afraid of telling the true. And now it’s not best time for me to think about it. 
Status: resigned 
Song: “Paparazzi” by Lady GaGa
22.1.09 22:02






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