Multiple Choice

Life is beautiful, don’t you think so too?

It’s not okay to be scared. It means you do not trust those who are watching over you. And I’m not scared. I’m only afraid of myself. But that’s not what is about. You cannot define everything that you want to be clear. Sometimes you cannot find the right words to say how you feel. Sometimes you don’t know how to tell somebody how important he is for you. But sometimes you don’t have to know how to speak. ‘Cause if he is really important for you and he feels the same ‘bout you, he would know what you mean. So it’s not okay to be afraid of your feelings. And it’s not okay to hide them inside. You don’t have to hide them, he knows it so or so. It’s all easier that it seems. So do not complicate those easy things when it’s not necessary. If you focus on complications, you’d never see what you’re waiting for. So don’t miss that things. Life is short. And too short to worry about what you do not have to be worried. And don’t give up. “Don’t give up, don’t give in, ‘cause you’re the one”. And “I’m gonna be strong, I’m gonna be fine, don’t worry about me”. You are allowed to walk away, so do it. Now. Just leave. Thanks for the memories, even if they weren’t so great. I guess that this is where we come to. And by the way: if you’re looking for somebody, look around you. U don’t have to look far away. Just look around. He’s closer to you than you ever expected. Ok, I think now everything is clear, so I can be back here. See U again. And do not worry about me, it’s no point in worrying about someone like me. I am fine. Be back soon.
5.8.08 23:01


Sometimes ending is the only place to start

Ok, so it’s me again. Sooner than you expected, right? But after that long time I need to write something. It’s strange, cause all this time I haven’t felt like I need to write. And today it’s just is. Ok, but going back to the subject: I am stupid. Really. I thought It was all my fault, thought that Sb was right and I was wrong about him. But I wasn’t. Maybe it wouldn’t be wrong if only I haven’t spoken to him about her. But I have. And despite that, he was the one who sent the invitation. Really. How I know? Well... ok, I know I shouldn’t have done it. Or stop before opening the trash (it sound strange, isn’t it?), but I just wanted to know and needed proof. And now I have my proof: I am stupid. I am stupid cause I thought (stupid me) I could trust him and he would never have done this to me. But I was wrong. So it means that I was right just after this accident when I thought he was wrong. And I was right. Later on, I’ve change my point of view. And now? Now I see that I was right at the beginning. It means, I judge people right (mostly). And I was right. And later, I let myself thought I am not. But I was. Damn. He is the same as others. Great. Another reason for me to keep not-trusting people. Not at all.
Ok, you think I am disappointed now? Honestly? No, I am not. Not at all. Why? Cause I have something, that she was dreaming about. I have. And I am going to (it’s almost a fact) have even more of what she is dreaming about. So I am not disappointed. He is stupid – it’s his lost. I am the best here. Better than she (whatever she tries to show). Just the best. Having that – this thing what she is still dreaming about and what she couldn’t have achieved by now – it’s the best feeling for me in this case. I am the one who has this and who is going to have even more o this dream-about things. I am the one. I am.
6.8.08 00:59

Like an apple on a tree, hiding out behind the leaves

Summer has come and passed. Well, not now, but it’s near to end. Wake me up when September ends. Or rather when August ends. I’m still waiting, that’s why I want the 3rd so much. I know it strange, ‘cause it’s only a beginning of troubles. If only it would be my lucky day. And after that it means I’m on the start line and have a long, long way to go to the finish. But I just can’t wait no more. Looking up the other lists and remember about the number on my list I am quietly sure it’s going to be my great day. But I just want to know it officially. There’s always a sun after the storm. As today. And I am waiting for my sun. It was just a small storm but I want this sun more than ever. And a small explanation about the layout: I didn’t chose Seth and Summer because I like their story (somehow I like, but I don’t like the way she treated him), but I did chose them because of the beginning of their story and how Seth has achieved what he wants and how has his life changed. And the way he was treated by others. And he was always be himself. So here’s the point. E.E. Cummings once wrote: "To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, day and night, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting." It’s not easy to be yourself those days. It’s not easy for me to be me nowadays. I want to tell how I feel about what is going to be. I want to tell the truth when they ask me to. I want to scream to the world what I want so much and what is going to be (I hope). I want to, but I can’t. Why I can’t? Because they’ll never understand. And will judge me. And this kind of judging – without knowing why I am going to do this – is the worst kind of judging ever. Ok, honestly that weren’t a real reasons. I do not care who thinks what and how they judge me. The real reason is hidden in the word “promise”. Or exactly in the collocation “I promise”. Cause it was me who promised. Promised not to tell anybody until someone will find out the truth by himself. Or until I meet her in the bus, but that’s another story. Now it’s not easy to keep that secret, but It would be even harder at the beginning of September. Cause I will show my happiness (I hope everything will be as I wish) to the whole world. Ok, see U someday, I go back to waiting.
8.8.08 21:06

I can find my revolution I can learn to stand alone

Progress in watching: 6/22
Days left: 24 or something.
I’m the one, I'm the one, I’m the one, I’m the one, I’m the one, I’m the one, I’m the one. Let’s get the party started. Be back tomorrow.
10.8.08 19:58

Why should I try if you don't listen to a word I say

Progress in watching: 6,5/22 (added after finishing this note: ok, now it’s 7/22)
Days left: 23. Probably.
There are already many complications in life so don’t make it more complicated. So you can choose: life complicated as it is or, life even more complicated because you complicate it yourself? So, what’s your choice? You think the choice is clear? No it isn’t. If it is, so why people complicate their life so often? So for those people this choice is like a choice between Cappie and Evan. Two opposites but both have something good. And what about me? Well, for me this choice is clear. I don’t wanna complicate my life more than it is from the beginning. And more than t should be, cause somehow life, as the definition must be complicated. So for me that choice is not like a choice between Cappie and Evan. For me it’s like a choice between Keith and Dan – everybody choose Keith. It’s clear. Nobody wants to share life with a murderer. So do I. And I start not-complicating my life right now. And go back to the thing I wanted to. Another question for today: to follow the heart or to follow the reason? Answer? Simple. Follow both. Xo Xo. Goodnight.

11.8.08 23:03

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